The Difficulty of Saying Goodbye and the Power of Preservation
Losing a loved one is a deeply personal experience. While obituaries and end-of-life planning serve a purpose, they often fall short of capturing the true essence of a life well-lived. The laughter, the quirks, the impact they had on others – these details often fade into the background with time. A recent YouGov poll reveals a stark reality: nearly half of Americans (47%) regret not recording or documenting conversations with loved ones who are no longer alive.
A Personal Story: A Reminder to Cherish Every Moment
Why am I writing about this now? Three years ago, my own grandma, a woman of incredible strength, but who was facing Dementia, fell and broke her hip. It was a turning point, marking the end of the independent life she cherished. But within the walls of the hospital, a remarkable thing happened. Surrounding her, the family came together, united by love and a profound sense of reflection. My dad, with a tremor in his voice, spoke of her unwavering dedication, the way she pulled them out of post-war Korea and built a new life in America. I remembered the day she defied my mom's wishes, taking me to get my ears pierced – a testament to her playful spirit. We all smiled at the imagined smell of her famous pumpkin pie, made with pumpkin from her beloved backyard garden, we all remembered the warmth and love she showered upon us.
To me, she was simply Grandma—the woman who cared for me, who crafted delicious pumpkin pies and spaghetti from her garden’s bounty. She was the spirited soul who believed in beauty and joy, the dog lover whose Pomeranians lived a life of blissful table scraps. She had quirks, like hoarding and never throwing out food (even when rotting) that I realized I never understood. It was only after diving deeper did I realize she led a life rich with meaning.
In Korea, she was the eldest of a big family who tried to feed them all when there was nothing. She outlived them all—most of them didn’t make it through the war. My aunt says she still has nightmares about those times.
Here in the States, people knew her as Lee, the friendly grandma from Denny’s where she worked until she couldn’t drive anymore. When she retired, her garden became her new project. She was famous at the Korean market for her chives, trading them for the homemade side dishes you couldn’t buy anywhere at the time.
To the neighbors, she was the lady with the green thumb and the big heart.
And to my grandpa, well, it turned out he loved her more than any of us knew, despite all their bickering.
Grandma’s life touched so many people. If she hadn’t been here, who knows what would’ve happened? Maybe her family wouldn’t have made it. Maybe the folks in Santa Clarita wouldn’t have known the kindness of a sweet Asian grandma. Maybe those market workers wouldn’t have had her chives in their meals and so being slightly less happy they would've been grumpier to the next people. And obviously, maybe my dad and I wouldn't be here to tell the story. Every person's life has a ripple effect. Scientists call this the butterfly effect, but for a simpler version watch this clip from Bullet Train.
Thankfully, my grandma made it through that difficult time, although she remains bedridden. This experience, however, forever changed our family. We now make sure to not only appreciate every moment we have with her, but also to remember and cherish every small detail. We do our best to capture even the seemingly insignificant moments – the time we accidentally gave her dairy despite her lactose intolerance, causing a crazy but ultimately hilarious day. Now, when we bring our small dog over and see her face light up with joy, we know these are the moments along with her lasting legacy are what we want to hold onto forever.
Why Traditional Methods Fall Short: The Problem with Preserving Legacies & Obituaries Today
Who are we if we can never make meaning of the lives of people who matter most to us or share it with the people come after them?
Our fast-paced lives often leave little room for intentional memory-making. Precious details about our loved ones can easily slip away with time. This challenge is compounded by the limitations of traditional methods for preserving memories and planning for end-of-life:
Obituaries and End-of-Life Documents: While essential for practical reasons, they typically focus on basic biographical details or logistical arrangements. They lack the space and depth to capture the richness of a person's life story and the impact they had on others.
Social media: Social media platforms allow for immediate and widespread sharing of memories, fostering a sense of connection during grief. However, these posts can be short and fleeting, lacking the emotional depth and nuance that capture a life's journey. Additionally, memories shared online are susceptible to distortion and inaccuracy over time.
The Rise of Technology and Its Impact on Remembering
Technology has fundamentally reshaped how we commemorate the dead and plan for the future. Social media platforms allow for immediate and widespread sharing of memories, while end-of-life planning services offer valuable guidance. However, there are also challenges to consider:
Loss of Emotional Depth: Social media posts can be short and fleeting, often lacking the emotional depth and nuance that capture the essence of a life.
Accuracy and Bias: Social media content is subject to human error and potential bias, with memories potentially becoming distorted or incomplete over time.
Privacy Concerns: Uploading personal information and memories online raises privacy concerns, with companies potentially profiting from user data. Social Media Platforms offer a seemingly "free" service for families to share memories, but then charge exorbitant fees (around $150 annually per download) to access those memories – essentially holding them hostage. This approach of profiting from grief is a clear downside of some online solutions.
Human Obituary Writers: Adaptation and Value
The rise of technology has impacted traditional human obituary writers as well. Human writers offer the Personalized Touch, able to work closely with families to create personalized documents that reflect the unique life of their loved one. However, with increasing competition from technology and need to keep the business going, more writers are becoming more like doctors, very efficient charging upwards of $300-$800 and constraining the time spent to 30 minutes to 1 hour with the family. How can the essence and depth be captured in such short time?
Remember: A Comprehensive and Personalized Solution by AnalogMe
Forget the generic templates and impersonal language. Remember offers a complementary solution to obituaries, end-of-life planning, and social media by capturing the richness of your loved one's story:
Capturing Memories Through Analog Photography: We work with families to create a collection of photos that showcase the life and spirit of their loved one. This could mean photos with your loved one, portraits that capture their essence or the people who were most impacted by them, or even images of cherished locations that held special meaning.
Unveiling the Stories Behind the Smiles: Through in-depth interviews with family and friends, we delve into the memories that defined your loved one’s life. We explore their passions, their challenges overcome, the lessons they imparted, and the unique role they played in the lives of others. We spend as much time and provide the option to interview as many people as necessary to understand the story.
AI Technology Unveils the Emotional Core: Humans can’t pick up on every cue especially when first meeting. We use AI to analyze interview audio and identify the small emotionally resonant moments that humans would normally miss. These might be that little quiver to the voice that indicates something deeper, that ever so slight pause as you remembered something.
A Video Weaving Together a Life: We then take the time to create a stunning video that blends the collected photographs with real audio/text excerpts from the interviews. This emotional video captures the laughter, the tears, and the heartfelt stories that truly embody the essence of your loved one’s life. This becomes a cherished memory that can be shared with family and friends to keep their legacy alive.
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