"Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be transformed from one form to another," declared Albert Einstein. Like the Phoenix, a mythical creature consumed by flames only to rise reborn, perhaps death is not an ending, but a metamorphosis.
Source: Unknown art of a mythological bird known as phoenix, a bird on fire flying in space background.
Reframing Life and Death in a New Era
There's a certain innocence in youth, a feeling of time stretching endlessly before you that’s taken for granted.
But as life unfolds, we inevitably realize that we are not immortal. Life and death are two interwoven mysteries that shape our journey through existence. As we stand on the brink of a new era, a time of immense technological and societal change, it's more important than ever to dig deep into what these fundamental concepts mean for us.
The American Paradox: Death Anxiety and Forgotten Memories
However, in American society, there seems to be a paradox at play. While death is a certainty, we often approach it with anxiety and avoidance. Conversations about death are often hushed, shrouded in secrecy, and left for the very last moments. This death anxiety can lead to a heartbreaking consequence – the neglect of preserving precious memories. The stories, the laughter, the quirks that make our loved ones unique – these invaluable treasures can fade with time, leaving a void when they are most needed.
My earliest experience with death was of a family member when I was maybe 5 or 6 years old. It was a Catholic funeral, everybody wearing all black and my mom telling me not to view the casket because she didn't want me to be traumatized by seeing a dead body. It made me feel like death was bad or something to be avoided. Not long after this experience, I started having naive contemplations of death that created the first feeling of dread. For me it felt like a gaping hole in my stomach at the thought of closing my eyes and never opening them again.
Source: Country Living Magazine
Contrasting Cultural Perspectives
In stark contrast, there are cultures like the Toraja in Indonesia, an ancient culture who celebrate death as a transition to the next life. Here, funeral ceremonies can last a week, with families offering respect and celebrating the deceased's life rather than grieving. It was a big event that lasted a whole week, and everyone in the village came to show their respect. The kids were playing and having fun, and nobody told them to be quiet. The family even kept the person who died with them at home for a few months, which was their way of saying goodbye.
Somewhere in between America's death anxiety and Toraja's death immersion, there are also places like Japan (a Mahayana Buddhist belief system) and Thailand (Theravada belief) cultures, where people believe life is suffering and death is a kind of relief from it. I'm lucky enough to have spent a lot of time in Japan for both business and travel and learned a lot about this from my business partner, who’s Japanese-American from a lineage of Buddhist scholars. He lost his younger brother and mom at the same time during COVID. He taught me that seeing death as a release from pain can change how we feel about it. Instead of avoiding it, he spent a lot of time with his mom, making her happy in her last days. They even painted the walls her favorite color and let her eat ice cream every day despite her lactose intolerance. They took lots of pictures and remembered all the good and hard times, like the days she would fall. When she passed away, they were sad, but they also felt peace because she wasn’t suffering anymore. We keep talking about her and remembering her doing impersonations of her during the small moments, which keeps her memory alive.
The Core Thread: Beliefs About Life and Death
This very observation, this disconnect between the inevitability of death and our societal discomfort with it in America and the contrast seen across other cultures and sparked exploration. To fully understand our relationship with death, we need to explore the tapestry from multiple angles. This series of articles will weave together personal experiences, scientific inquiry, and philosophical reflection to explore three key axes that shape different perceptions of death:
Death and Time: death as a linear progression, a one-way journey from life to an end vs cyclical, with death as a transformation or a return to a source of life (think reincarnation or general ideas of transformation)
Death's Moral Compass: Death as inherently evil or bad (think Hades and the devil), a punishment or a cruel twist of fate, seen as a neutral force (e.g. stoics), a natural part of the cycle, or even a potential good, a release from suffering
Our wiring about death (self-preservation vs acceptance & self-sacrifice): why we have the feelings we do about death, especially driven by our brain and body wirings for self-preservation as inherent to human nature vs death acceptance and self-transcendence
Our beliefs about life and death aren't just abstract ponderings; they are fundamental core principles that govern the way we feel and behave in life. These beliefs influence everything from our relationships to our goals, from our risk-taking to our sense of purpose. Imagine two gardens: one meticulously pruned to avoid any signs of decay, the other embracing the natural cycle of life and death with flourishing flowers alongside fallen leaves. Our cultural narratives around death shape our gardens in a similar way. Death-fearing cultures might prioritize control and longevity, while death-accepting cultures might find beauty and meaning in the impermanence of life.
The Duality Within: Biology Meets Beliefs
This core thread of life and death beliefs isn't formed in isolation. It's a complex tapestry woven from the threads of culture and the intricate wiring of our brains and bodies. Evolution has undoubtedly shaped our perception of the world, and mortality is a constant presence in that awareness. The way we interpret this awareness, influenced by cultural narratives, creates habitual patterns of behavior over time. These habitual responses – the choices we make, the risks we avoid – can become encoded in our neural pathways, shaping our emotional and physical responses.
For example, a death-fearing culture might emphasize safety and security, leading individuals to prioritize risk-aversion. This constant focus on avoiding potential threats could heighten activity in the amygdala, a region associated with fear. Over time, this habitual pattern of fear-based decision-making could become ingrained, influencing how individuals navigate the world.
A Bridge to Meaningful Discourse:
This first article serves as an introductory overview, laying the groundwork for a deeper exploration. It's meant to provoke thought and conversation about reframing life and death.
what does life and death really mean to each of us?
how do we want to live our lives and what legacy do we want to leave behind when we're gone?
how do we want to incorporate the narratives of our loved ones and inspire future generations?
By doing so, maybe we can shed light on a more meaningful way to approach death and preserving memories of life.
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